Intro to… my life as it currently stands?

So, I wrote this on my birthday, but since I'm in Downieville at the top of one of the Sierra Mountains, I am currently without internet access. In fact, at this very moment, I am sitting in front of a hotel in Sierra City at 10pm in the cold air next to a giant "attacking fish" pond. They were gracious enough to let us use the internet, but we are stuck outside because the restaurant closed. Poo.

So, here begins the blog of my 21st year. It may be interesting; it may not. I don't really care at this point. Too much is happening in my life not to record it somewhere.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Intro to… my life as it currently stands?

Today’s my birthday! My 21st birthday to be exact!

But I need to start with yesterday because I was going to start this new blog yesterday – in addition to the family blog – entitled The 21st Year, or something like that so I can start blogging all year and keep up-to-date pictures so I can look back later.

I know that most people get really busy so they don’t keep up with blogs, so it’s really for me, because I can’t keep up with my journal for the life of me! I will try to blog at least once a week and it will help me review the highlights of my week and therefore my life. The twenty-first year is pretty crucial in an American girl’s life, especially since we are legally allowed to do everything and anything that any other adult is legally able to do – save politicians because everybody knows they’re above the law… hmm…


[PLEASE NOTE: Anything I say in this next section are my FEELINGs. They are neither right nor wrong; they just are. Take it with a grain of salt.]

This last year has been one huge life lesson after another. I think it’s good, and then sometimes it really sucks! I would have to say that looking back, I’ve always progressed and learned and striven for better things until about 18 years old. I feel like from the beginning of year 18 through the very end of 19, I was kind of at a stale-mate and not much was happening, but a lot was happening, but I felt like I wasn’t moving forward anymore, and almost like I was moving backwards. In my faith, in my life-choices, in everything. Unfortunately, I think a lot of that had to do with my experiences at PCPA. It had its super-fun moments, and I don’t regret any of it, but the politics were a lot to handle for a teenage girl unsure of her career decision coming straight out of high school. It was like PCPA was confirming that I’m a good actress but that I’ll never make it in the actual Theatre or Film Industry. What I mean by this is that all my teachers were telling me I was doing a great job, but then I was never cast in a show. Finally I was cast in one show as an Attendant, but all the second years were cast in that show, so it almost invalidated it. Don’t misunderstand me, please, I loved being in that show. But it made me feel like I wasn’t worth more than that in my acting. And my first year was full of depression because I’d been with my best friend since middle school and then all of a sudden she moved away – for college – but so did all my other high school friends and I was still living at home, commuting to school – which I would NEVER EVER suggest to someone who actually wants to be a part of the school they are attending. It distanced me from the other students and I only once felt so bonded with them that I was actually a part of the family we had all formed since we started. That was the very end. And now, most of them don’t even respond to my emails or Facebook messages. And when I text them, the common response is, “Who is this?”
I realized too late that I am unable to audition for PCPA too. When I came to PCPA, I was an excellent actor – for the training that I had, which was really none – and an okay mover and a good singer, but not a great singer or dancer. I’m still not an amazing dancer, but I move really well. And I would say that Judith Dunlore has helped me transform my voice into a great voice! She and I get all the credit for that. But when it came to singing at PCPA, even though my lessons with Judith were during those two years at PCPA, I was always right back to where I started. Save one time. In one of our last Sing Tech sharings, I sang “This Place Is Mine” and I rocked! I felt I could not have done better for where I was with my voice and the stigma that I had now developed for singing for PCPA people.
With all of that knowledge, I have now decided I need to just stay away from all things PCPA. If a PCPA friend initiates, of course I will respond, but I have no reason to contact a lot of them. And it hurts me to say that. But it hurts even more to keep putting myself in that situation and to keep getting ignored or worse.

I used to make cards for people. It’s been a love of mine since I was young; hand-making cards. One of my love languages is words of encouragement. In every hand-made card, a personalized message awaits to encourage the receiver in whatever endeavor they are to encounter. I also used to write a tiny letter to myself whenever I cleaned my room – once every other year – to encourage my future self, but I’ve never given myself a card. For now, since I am in the woods in the middle of nowhere, currently without internet as well, I will write the message for my card. It can be for my present self or it can be for the future self that rereads this blog much later in life.



Happy Birthday, Lizz!
I really am so proud of you for everything you’ve done and accomplished! For twenty-one years you’ve endured so much and always come through it. Sometimes it didn’t feel like you would, but you always did. Always remember whose you are. You couldn’t have come through any of those really rough times without the strength God has given you. There are so many people who look up to you. Maybe not always for the same thing, and maybe they will never say anything, but you have brought joy to people and encouraged people who may not have been encouraged otherwise.

Whatever you choose to do in life, whether it be acting or fashion design, or owning a boutique with a little of everything, or… working at the Jamba Juice for the rest of your life – which please don’t do by the way, but if you were to do that – as long as you do it with Jesus in your heart and with His smile on your face, you will continue to touch people with your “Jois de Vivre.”

I think you will always amaze people. So get used to it now! No more shrugging back saying, “Oh.. thanks.” Say it proudly. And if people think you are arrogant, too bad. They don’t know you. You aren’t and you know it and the people who know you know it and if they don’t know it, they can go away! So there!

I know this year has been… interesting. There’ve been a lot of ups and downs and I wish I could say it gets better. But I’m you, so knowing that you don’t know, I can only say, I don’t know what’s going to happen. But be strong. You are a confident, beautiful, lovely, strong, strong-willed, talented, sometimes funny young woman and you have so much life in you. Let it shine and let God shine through you.

I love you. Don’t ever forget that. It’s important to know. When it seems like no one else does, I do. And Jesus does. Don’t be ashamed of it, either. He is enough for you. And He will always be there, even when no one else is answering. So put Him first.

Do what gives you joy and what brings out your joy so it can give others joy too.

Until next we meet,
Lizz from June 19, 2010